Note to Self

I should preface this post by telling you I'm sick. I've got a rotten cough/cold that is exhausting. Oh, and G-mail isn't working, hasn't for days, so the people I'd like to be emailing haven't heard from me, and that's not good.

Right, got the picture?

Now, dear self, here are some things to remember:

• when I am old and grey I will travel light. Just one bag will do for 4-5 nights, definitely not more bags than I can carry and definitely none that are too difficult for me to lift or trundle about;
• I'll fly into town if I'm invited, so I don't fret about where to park my crappy car;
• when I go to stay with my fine sons, who-ever they may be living with, I will be very clear about when I would like to arrive and leave...no guessing games or polite enquiries which may give offence will be required;
• when I buy Christmas presents I will give one silly, fun present to make us all smile, and one voucher or something so the recipient can buy something he or she likes. I won't spend more than I can afford, and if money is tight, there will always be chocolate and alcohol. I won't fill up other people's houses with meaningless rubbish made by poorly paid 3rd-world serfs. No, no, no. Maybe I'll suggest we each buy something for one person, or $5 presents only;
• when I come to visit I will abandon the habits of my daily life at home. I won't feel the need to continue with my multicourse breakfast which I have at an extremely leisurly pace, I will fit in with those around me. I will not give another thought to watching my favourite TV programme which is on almost every single day of the year. I'll suggest we all play that new board game together, so we have a laugh, and something fun to remember.

Thank you for listening. You can remind me of this when I'm older and greyer.

I'll go 'bah-humbug' someplace else now.